Michael Gove and George Osborne are to settle their differences via hammers.
The two political heavyweights cum bastards had an almighty spat over the weekend regarding who was lying the most about Britain’s future either in or out of Europe.
“It’s not helped because everyone wants both of them to be wrong,” said Downing Street spokesperson, Simon Williams.
“So it is with the same spirit in mind that we’re going to give them each a pair of claw hammers and let them go at it in the car park of The Tap and Spile.”
Citizen and violence enthusiast, Elizabeth King, said, “It’s nice to see the government giving the people what they want.
“I’ve rather tuned out of the EU debate at this point as it’s reminiscent of watching my toddlers try and prove who the best Pokemon is.
“But two senior Tories battering the shit out of each other with hammers? Sold.”