Following the election of radical Islamist terrorist Sadiq Khan to London Mayor, it has been announced that ISIS will establish a London branch in Islington, just above the Red Lion.
The introduction of Sharia law will take a few more weeks to complete as the whips and axes need to be ordered from eBay.
“Allah Akbar,” said the new mayor dressed in combat fatigues and toting a Kalashnikov.
“Death to the Western suckers and infidels,” he concluded before setting fire to a Union Jack, stringing up an ISIS flag and firing his machine gun into the air.
It is understood that London will transition to a hard-line Islamist caliphate over the next twelve months with all pubs to be converted into mosques, all churches to be destroyed, and all fun to be outlawed.
All of London’s famous parks will become the sites for executions and public punishments, and Khan together with his ISIS comrades are expected to immediately draft local residents into a standing army with a view to expanding the caliphate into Essex, Surrey and Hampshire.
Congratulations for Khan were received from the Taliban as radical Islamists the world over celebrate this important step towards a global caliphate
If only everyone had listened to Zac Goldsmith.