Crushing your enemies before you and hearing the lamentations of their women isn’t as good as a nice cup of tea, Conan the Barbarian has admitted.
The corsair and reaver, who hails from ancient Cimmeria, made the observation when asked to name the best thing in life whilst sitting with a band of ruffians feasting on the spoils of a ravaged kingdom.
As night crept across the plains of gods-bereft Shadizar, Conan talked of what how he came to seek what he called the riddle of scalding the pot and then letting the leaves infuse properly.
When asked to display his skills with his blade of steel, forged by has father and wrested from the dead hand of Thulsa Doom, Conan explained that English Breakfast is probably the perfect blend of smoothness and flavour.
Earl Grey is an abomination, he added, and he told of the time long past when he threw down the tower of mad sorceror Hissar Zul because he offered Lady Grey with two spoons of Rose sugar in it.
The plunder of ancient temples is all very well, he told his rapt audience. It pays the bills and there’s a pretty good living in it, plus the love of Valeria is nice.
But it’s nothing compared to a mug or two of brown joy to wind down after a stressful day.
“A nice cup of tea. Yes”, he said.
“That is what I would like.
“I suppose I’m going to have to make it myself, aren’t I?”