Spurs fan who sold soul to Devil to finish above last season’s Top Eight ‘demands refund’

author avatar by 8 years ago

Spurs fan Simon Williams has said he feels cheated after selling his soul to the Devil so that his team would finish above Man United, Man City, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool.

Williams said that although technically the Devil has kept his side of the bargain, he had not honoured the ‘spirit’ of the agreement.

He told reporters, “I only asked to finish above those five teams, but the Devil said he’d make it the top eight to ensure I was getting proper value for soul.

“I mean, I never thought Swansea or Southampton could win the league, but why not take the guarantee?

“Going into last night’s match I was relishing the drama that would unfold as we won all our remaining games and Leicester lost theirs – but then as the final whistle went, I walked solemnly to my filing cabinet to check the contract.

“And right there, below my name in my own blood, was absolutely no mention whatsoever of Leicester fucking City.

“I’ve tried calling the Devil to ask for a refund, but he just keeps leaving me messages to read the contract and laughing. Lots of laughing. He’s not a very nice person, let me tell you.

“Seriously, I’m beginning to think he was planning this all along.”