Labour strategy being written by psychotic clown who appears in Jeremy Corbyn’s mirror

author avatar by 8 years ago

The Labour Party has confirmed their strategy is being written by the spirit of a psychotic clown who appears in Jeremy Corbyn’s bathroom mirror.

Until now political commentators have been confused by the strategy, which has involved arguing nuances of Nazi Jew policy, voting against his own party, flip-flopping and u-turns over the Syria vote, dressing like a member of East 17, quoting Chairman Mao and insisting that shooting at armed maniacs is a bad thing, but the revelation that it is all being dictated by a spectral jester called “Chuckles” has made things clearer.

“It’s like the strategy has been a succession of disjointed and meaningless images with no unifying theme but despair,” we were told.

“It didn’t make any sense, but I guess the threat of psychic torment from the ghost of a lunatic circus performer might just about explain it.

“When asked who should represent Labour on Question Time or Today Chuckles just shouted ‘Ken Livingstone!’ and honked his horn a few times.”

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Chuckles, who vanished under mysterious circumstances in 1957, was invited to run the Labour Party’s 2020 election campaign as it was felt the deranged shade of a clown trapped in a mirror netherworld was better qualified than the previous incumbent, Ed Balls.

Now, whenever the Labour front bench appears to be doing something completely and utterly bugnuts insane, outsiders simply mutter “Chuckles’ idea” and get on with their day.

“When Jeremy first told us about the mad clown who lived in his mirror we thought it was a bit odd but no worse than some of his other beliefs,” said a Labour MP who asked to remain anonymous.

“So every week we all gather round the mirror, turn the lights off and Chuckles tells us what we must do next.

“Obviously, this has made meetings of the Parliamentary Labour Party a bit fraught, but it’s important to maintain party unity.

“Also, Chuckles has told us that if we don’t do as we’re told, he’ll make Liz Kendall leader.”

Some Labour backbenchers have questioned whether Chuckles has the best interests of the party at heart, but the Momentum group has threatened them with deselection if they don’t button it.

According to Labour insiders, Chuckles’ plan for next week involves hiding in the sewers with a sign reading “Free Hugs”, which they conclude can’t make things worse for the party than they already are.