The Sun fails to apologise for incidents of accurate and almost responsible journalism

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The Sun newspaper refused to apologise yesterday, despite renewed public scrutiny revealing it had failed to provide misleading and offensive stories on at least two occasions since 1995.

“There was one about Madonna acting like a bit of a cow, which despite our best efforts turned out to be true,” admitted Sun hack Tony Toss.

“We also ran a piece about how most people get annoyed by supermarket queues, which frustratingly turned out to be representative of the views of the British public.

“But we blame the polling company for that utter bollocks up.

“However, overall we stand by our record of warped, irresponsible and downright crappy journalism. And we’d like to reassure our readers that the odd blip aside, that’s what we will continue to provide.

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“But apologise? Nah, it’s just not the done thing around here.”

However, Sun reader and village idiot Simon Williams seemed unconcerned with the controversy.

“I never noticed, to be honest,” he dribbled, “I was too busy looking at the boobies.”