Thursday 28 April 2016 by Sam Smith

Middle-class man admits to not liking houmous

houmous middle class

A middle-class man has discovered he doesn’t actually like the taste of houmous after trying it at a party for the first time in his life.

Simon Williams of Stamford, was at a gathering at a friend’s palatial dwelling when the disturbing find occurred.

“I’d gone over to take a look at the buffet,” Williams explains, “and they had the usual middle-class fare, salmon bruschetta, goat’s cheese, etc. Then I spotted the houmous, a huge bowl of it in the centre of the table, and I realised I’d never actually tried it.”

That’s when events took a turn for the worse.

“I dipped my finger in it – which I found out later was a huge social faux-pas – and tried a bit.

“It was horrible, all gritty and bland. That’s when I realised I didn’t have a taste for houmous, and I probably never would.”

Several of the guests at the party had to be hospitalised with shock following the incident, and the host was said to be in a stable condition after passing out on hearing of Williams’ critique of the middle-class snack.

The party was raided by armed police and the houmous taken away to analysed by a forensic team, to ensure no working-class ingredients had been added by mistake.

Williams is to be questioned by police following the incident but so far has been let off with a caution.

At a hastily arranged press conference, Williams told reporters, “In future, I’ve promised to stick to cheese and chive dip, in order to avoid any similar unfortunate incidents.”

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