South Yorkshire police have admitted to Liverpool fans that their efforts to cover up their actions during the Hillsborough tragedy were ‘not good enough’.
A police spokesperson told reporters last night, “We are deeply sorry the processes we had in place to cover our tracks have proven to be woefully inadequate.
“We would like to assure the public that the lessons have been learned, and in future, we will stop at nothing to ensure everything possible is done to cover up our misdeeds.”
The spokesperson then exited the press conference, walking backwards so his own rear was covered at all times.
In a written statement the South Yorkshire Constabulary added, “We have begun a systematic review of all of our track-covering methodologies, and we expect it to lead to a root and branch change in working practices.
“There was a time when simply showing a new officer how to apply blows in areas that will not bruise, and to do it out of sight of any cameras, was enough to ensure they avoided any consequences for their illegal actions – but not anymore.
“We are confident that by 2020 when this review is complete, our officers will be capable of concealing just about anything they put their minds to.
“And if they can’t, well, they can just take early retirement, right?”