Friday 22 April 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Dave Grohl ordered to stay the fuck indoors

Dave Grohl

Level 5 safety measures are being placed upon musician Dave Grohl.

The lead singer of the Foo Fighters and also something to do with Nirvana, Dave Grohl now ranks among the ever-shrinking number of great musicians still in existence.

“So he’s not allowed out of the house,” confirmed music preservationist, Simon Williams.

“At the rate 2016 is going, he wouldn’t make it thirty feet out the door without a piano falling on him, which would be tragic, considering he’s a guitar player.

“He’s already broken his leg in one accident, we can’t take any more chances.

“We’ll let him out when people stop dying; which will probably be soon, I suspect, although I’m not a scientist.”

Music fan, Elizabeth King, said, “It is imperative that Dave Grohl survives this year.

“He must be locked in the house, given a Netflix subscription and told to wait for further instructions.

“Otherwise, we’re just left with Justin Bieber, Kanye West and Kesha. Honestly, I’d rather shag a wasp than listen to them.”

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