by 
A man who turned 40 yesterday, has claimed three-day working weeks are best for people who are his age or older.
Simon Williams from Basingstoke made the claim from his deckchair this afternoon after phoning in sick, with mysterious symptoms including a headache, nausea and being unable to look Tracy from accounts in the eye, after what they did with that traffic cone.
“It’s a game for the young this working full-time,” Williams claimed, swallowing paracetamol like jelly beans.
“When I was in my twenties, what happened on a Wednesday night, stayed on a Wednesday night. You didn’t wake to find yourself covered in regurgitated bits of it on a Thursday morning.
“A three-day week is clearly the only sensible way to maintain full productivity for the many, many people out there just like me.
“But we should still be paid for all five days of course,” Williams added with a sudden note of panic, “on account of our greater job experience.”
However, Williams’ employers were quite emphatic in their disagreement.
“A three day week? From laze-about fuckhead Simon? Pigs might fucking fly mate.
“And if that skiving, bone-idle bastard phones in sick one more time, he can see what a no day week feels like because he’ll be out on his arse faster than Tracy agreed to shove that traffic cone in it.”
Williams declined to comment further, although he was later overheard wailing, “Oh Christ, the photos are all over Facebook.”
A small pause followed before Williams added, “And that’s a hell of a lot more likes than those sods usually give me.”
