David Cameron’s Eton school fee payments have been traced to an offshore bank in the British Virgin Islands, it has emerged.
The PM has refused to comment on allegations that his entire education was funded by a dodgy offshore dealer who happened to be his father.
Instead, the Tory leader claims not to know the man who packed him off on a train to boarding school at the age of eight.
Simon “Pinky” Williams who fagged for Cameron throughout his Eton years says the future Prime Minister warned him never to keep receipts.
‘“It was meant to be our secret, like that game in which we took it in turns to ejaculate on a Jacob’s cream cracker,” he told us.
However many of the items purchased for Cameron’s term time are now the subject of an international tax avoidance investigation, including a school uniform fashioned from the finest silk.
Williams added, “At the start of term, ‘Camsie’ received a big brown envelope, which he was very secretive about.
“I just assumed it was Vaseline.”
And Cameron’s Geography teacher, Terry Travers, commented, “I always found it curious that Cameron was the only boy who could locate the Virgin Islands, Caymans and the Seychelles on a map of the Empire.”
Inland Revenue Investigator, Nigel Saunders added, “We will launch an investigation into the Cameron family’s tax affairs, which will be comprehensive, unlike his school.”