An atrocity at a Basingstoke Sizzler Pub has been averted by a public bout of breastfeeding.
ISIS bomber, Ibrahim Melic, was set to detonate a so-called ‘dirty bomb’ at the popular pub-cum-eatery, but failed to spot a window notice stating ‘Breastfeeders welcome here’.
As the zealot prepared to scatter much of Hampshire with radioactive material, he became distracted by the disgusting sight of a suckling infant.
Melic said, “I was about to meet my maker when this kuffar gets her left bap out in full view of everyone.
“I didn’t know where to look. The last thing I want is for her to think I was staring at her tits.
“I was totally grossed out!”
Meanwhile David Cameron’s government believe they have uncovered a new mammary-based strategy in defeating ISIS.
Cameron is encouraging all popular food and drink venues to feature at least one breastfeeding infidel, under the slogan ‘Tits out for the West’.
“This war will not be won in the killing fields of Aleppo. It will be won across the heartlands of Britain – in Amber Inns, in Hungry Horses and in Frankie and Benny’s,” he told us.
A still intact Melic added, “Don’t they have special rooms for this?”