Christians nationwide are celebrating being cleansed of sin by doing one of the worst ones.
Easter is a holiday traditionally used to celebrate the resurrection of Christ after having given his life to the world for the sins of mankind.
“And one of those is gluttony, apparently,” said Elizabeth King, through a faceful of chocolate.
“I don’t think Jesus would mind really, it’s not the deadliest sin, it’s just in the top seven. Can you name any ‘top seven’ hits? No. And with good reason.
“Besides, you should hear some of the other stuff I get up to. I won’t get into details but let’s just say dog-fighting puts chocolate in the fucking shade.”
Dr. Simon Williams said, “Britain will probably put away over one hundred tonnes of chocolate, possibly double that if I manage to somehow annoy the wife in the next few hours.”