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The long-awaited battle between two titans of justice ended in under a second last night after Superman punched Batman’s head clean off.
The Caped Crusader had decided that Superman was too powerful and he was the man to stop him, and was proven half right.
Eyewitnesses at the scene reported that Superman flew in at something approaching the speed of light whilst Batman arrived at the confrontation in a car, which rather set the tone for the whole thing.
Batman then took his seatbelt off whilst Superman used the time to rescue a cat up a tree, prevent a bank robbery and defeat Mongul, leader of the War World.
Moving at relativistic speeds, Superman then brought the battle to a speedy and sadly inevitable conclusion with a right hook.
“Everyone was expecting it to be maybe close, or Batman to at least present some sort of challenge but with hindsight that probably overly optimistic,” we were told.
“It was like the fight between Muhammed Ali and Joe Bugner, only if Ali was capable of moving at 299,000 km per second. And Joe Bugner’s head didn’t come off.
“Turns out Batman got a big reputation from fighting clowns and couldn’t live up to it when it counted, also like Joe Bugner.”
After the fight, investigations revealed that Batman was actually the heavily built and scarred billionaire Bruce Wayne, which absolutely nobody saw coming.
In a statement, Superman said he regretted killing Batman but blamed it on Earth’s yellow sun enhancing him to the point where it’s difficult not to.
“Now you understand why I think shagging Lois Lane might not be fair on her,” he added.
