Lump of rock files for divorce from Tracey Emin

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A lump of rock which Tracey Emin claimed to have married yesterday in her latest desperately needy grab for attention has filed for divorce this morning.

Self-proclaimed artist Emin is understood to be outraged after the atrocity in Brussels overshadowed the publicity stunt, and the lump of rock filed for divorce after waking up with a nasty hangover and a horrible realisation what it had got itself into.

The irony of a witless and self-publicising stunt being overshadowed by the mother of all witless and self-publicising stunts has not been missed.

Emin, who has been identifying as an artist since the 1990s, had fallen out of the headlines in recent years after everyone got bored with her tedious schtick, and had hit on something she believed a dead cert to get her loads of publicity and maybe a few TV appearances.

“Never mind Brussels, I’ve married a rock,” a visibly piqued Emin told our arts editor.

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“It took me ages to think of this publicity stunt.

“It’s a work of genius, a comment on society comparable to the work of Duchamp or Hearst, and basically I thought it would really put me in the headlines again, but would you believe it – someone sets off a, you know, a bomb thing in Belgium or somewhere and I get relegated to page 5. Just my luck.

“Cah! Typical!” she went on, “wow can people be soooo selfish.

“It’s all about them, isn’t it?” she added without the slightest hint of irony.

The rock, Simon Williams, retained a stony silence during the interview.