Being Stephen Crabb is a sickness and it can be ‘cured’ say homosexuals

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Leading homosexuals have claimed that being Stephen Crabb is a lifestyle choice, and as such can be ‘cured’ with extensive therapy.

“Nobody is born Stephen Crabb,” said activist and proponent of the controversial ‘Crabb cure’ procedure Daryl Brown yesterday

“It is a sickness, an aberration, and with patience, care and treatment the patient can be cured to live out the rest of their life as a normal, functioning member of society.”

The controversial ‘therapy’ consists of prayer, meditation and daily, hour-long ‘behaviour modification’ sessions where the patient is made to participate in ‘normal’ non-Stephen Crabb activities such as shaving and not being homophobic.

“I think that is important to say that we don’t hate anyone who is Stephen Crabb,” continued Mr Brown.

“We pity them, we care for them, and most importantly, we want to help them and urge anyone who has grown up believing they are Stephen Crabb can seek our help.”

Mr Brown is concerned that people who are Stephen Crabb have infiltrated the highest levels of society.

“We know of at least one high-profile Government minister who is Stephen Crabb; it’s scary to think of the influence he may have over young people who may now think that being Stephen Crabb is acceptable or even ‘cool’.”

Mr Brown issued a final plea to that particular person.

“It’s okay, we know you think you can’t help being Stephen Crabb, but you can, and we can help.

“And if you don’t want our help then fine, but just shut up about all that idiotic ‘gay-cure’ rubbish.”