David Cameron begins search for new person to scream support for cuts from front bench

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David Cameron has this morning begun the unenviable task of finding someone to welcome the government’s most evil policies as enthusiastically as Iain Duncan Smith.

Duncan Smith, who resigned yesterday to spend more time with his collection of money, was seen as the most fanatical supporter of the government, particularly as they announced their many, many unpopular policies.

He will leave a huge gap on the front bench, and one that Cameron will need to fill with someone who is equally vociferous when it comes to loving every second of any future government cuts.

As one Whitehall insider explained, “Some people will say he was acting, but those of us that know Iain know that he really, genuinely loves it when the government announces cuts.

“Those screams and cheers and shaking his fists at the opposition as the Chancellor explained how he was taking more money off poor people, they were completely genuine – you can’t fake that.”

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In the meantime, Cameron is expected to ask his cabinet to step up and help fill the void, including asking Theresa May asked to consider cracking a smile every now and again.