Labour bids to regain economic credibility by pledging only to piss money up the wall ‘when necessary’

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The Labour Party has made a bid to recover economic credibility by pledging only to borrow in order to piss it up the wall.

The announcement marks a clean break from previous Labour policy of spaffing it all over the shop, and policy makers are confident the public will recognise the difference.

However, critics of the plan have already pointed out that it is word-for-word identical to Gordon Brown’s ‘Golden Rule’ in 1997, which led to him spunking money like a monkey in the zoo.

Speaking to reporters, shadow chancellor John McDonnell acknowledged Labour has an uphill battle in terms of regaining public trust on the economy.

“The first step is to guarantee that in government I would only borrow to invest,” he said.

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“Like I invested six pints up against the garden wall on the way home from the pub the other night.

“It was a great night and the long-term feel good factor more than justifies the expense.

However, some are still defending the economic record of the previous government, pointing out they promised to end boom and bust and were only wrong once.