Teachers spit out tea at claims they can earn £65k

author avatar by 8 years ago

Teachers up and down the country have spat out their tea after seeing a Department of Education advert claiming that teachers’ salaries could be as high as £65,000.

140 complaints about the advertisement were rejected by the Advertising Standards Agency, who really didn’t want to get into it, amid fears that there would be a severe backlash from any comments relating to holidays or marking.

“I’d have to be the King of Teachers,” said PE teacher Simon Williams, as he smoked behind the bike sheds.

“Either that, or be making another forty-five grand selling the kids their drugs.”

With the use of powerful satellites, some darknet contacts and a government assassin, we managed to track down one of these high-earning teachers, who told us, “Yes, I am that one in a thousand classroom teachers who earns this salary.

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“I largely suspect that the others are as busy as I am, such is the workload. But those webcams don’t strip for themselves, do they?”

Ex-Education Secretary Michael Gove stated, “With the changes I implemented, it’s nice to see that not requiring any qualifications to be a teacher is not holding back the tiny, tiny minority.

“Using the Conservative policy of making utter bollocks look aspirational will stand this cunt in good stead.  Sorry, I meant country. Don’t print that.”

The Department for Education were unavailable for comment as they were all on holiday.