‘Joy causes death’ is proof of vengeful God, finds science

author avatar by 8 years ago

Researchers who discovered that intense happiness can cause heart attacks, claim their breakthrough is proof of the existence of a vengeful God.

Despite claims that humans evolved to feel joy as a reward for getting something right, the news that it also kills you points to some kind of arse-hat being in charge.

“Atheists might claim that this is just a coincidence,” said researcher Simon Williams.

“But Occam’s razor states that the simplest explanation is normally correct.

“And the simplest explanation is that this is a textbook ‘cunt’s trick’.”

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The team also found further evidence to suggest that God is real, and a total bell-end.

“We need oxygen to breathe, even though it slowly kills us,” said Williams.

“Time passes at a crawl when we’re miserable, but is gone in a flash if we manage to find something that cheers us up.

“Science can’t explain that. If you ask me, we were created by some kind of sadistic arsehole.”