Friday 4 March 2016 by Waylandsmithy

‘Joy causes death’ is proof of vengeful God, finds science

'Joy causes death' is proof of vengeful God, finds science

Researchers who discovered that intense happiness can cause heart attacks, claim their breakthrough is proof of the existence of a vengeful God.

Despite claims that humans evolved to feel joy as a reward for getting something right, the news that it also kills you points to some kind of arse-hat being in charge.

“Atheists might claim that this is just a coincidence,” said researcher Simon Williams.

“But Occam’s razor states that the simplest explanation is normally correct.

“And the simplest explanation is that this is a textbook ‘cunt’s trick’.”

The team also found further evidence to suggest that God is real, and a total bell-end.

“We need oxygen to breathe, even though it slowly kills us,” said Williams.

“Time passes at a crawl when we’re miserable, but is gone in a flash if we manage to find something that cheers us up.

“Science can’t explain that. If you ask me, we were created by some kind of sadistic arsehole.”

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