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Researchers who discovered that intense happiness can cause heart attacks, claim their breakthrough is proof of the existence of a vengeful God.
Despite claims that humans evolved to feel joy as a reward for getting something right, the news that it also kills you points to some kind of arse-hat being in charge.
“Atheists might claim that this is just a coincidence,” said researcher Simon Williams.
“But Occam’s razor states that the simplest explanation is normally correct.
“And the simplest explanation is that this is a textbook ‘cunt’s trick’.”
The team also found further evidence to suggest that God is real, and a total bell-end.
“We need oxygen to breathe, even though it slowly kills us,” said Williams.
“Time passes at a crawl when we’re miserable, but is gone in a flash if we manage to find something that cheers us up.
“Science can’t explain that. If you ask me, we were created by some kind of sadistic arsehole.”
