New BBC Breakfast presenter and self-declared devout Christian Dan Walker made it through his first week presenting BBC breakfast without condemning any guests or colleagues to hell.
Walker also avoided offering to exorcise a gay person, or calling to stone Naga Munchetty for wearing short skirts.
“We’re pleased and relieved,” said the same ‘leading BBC figure’ who claimed that Mr Walker ‘probably didn’t believe in evolution’.
“I mean, he’s a nice looking lad, and the old folk love him, but you know what Christians are like; one report from a laboratory and they’re claiming that neutrinos are the work of Satan and that everyone who owns a digital radio is a minion of Satan.”
Whilst he has made no secret of his faith, Mr Walker has never gone into the nature or depth of his beliefs. Presumably as he considers his faith his own business, and if he were to discuss it then a ‘leading BBC figure’ might latch on to it and claim he’s one step away from declaring the End-times from the BBC Breakfast sofa.
“I suppose the big challenge for Dan will come in a few weeks at Easter,” continued the ‘leading BBC figure.’
“I mean if there’s even the slightest insinuation that Easter’s got more to do with some old hippie doing a magic trick in Jerusalem than it has chocolate eggs then I’m shunting him straight down to ‘Songs of Praise,’ no messing.”