ISIS declares fatwa against Warhammer: Age of Sigmar

author avatar by 8 years ago

ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has threatened a terrible vengeance after his 10,000 point Tomb King army was rendered obsolete by new Warhammer rules.

Al-Baghdadi announced that the Great Satan America and its lapdog Games Workshop had fallen to a new low, after learning he’s wasted the last six months painting a whole shitload of skeletons.

The specially designated global terrorist claimed the Tombs Kings matched his playing style perfectly, as he’s used to leading an army of mindless zombies motivated by nothing but hate, rage and the need for power.

His followers cheered as he spoke yesterday of ISIS overrunning the lands of The Empire and Albion and crushing their enemies underfoot before toppling the towers of Araby, but started to sound a bit less certain when he went on to speak of a great invasion of Naggaroth and Ulthuan.

“In the name of Allah, the Just, the Merciful, we shall hunt down the infidel dogs who not only came up with the word ‘Urroks’ but also charged me over forty quid for a Liche High Priest I can’t even play,” he said petulantly.

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“We shall overrun their lands, their shops and their shipping warehouse and they shall reintroduce 5th edition because that was best.”

The terror organisation is accused of wooing impressionable teenagers by telling them they can still play Chaos Demons and have a 1,000 point advantage when the Caliphate rules the world.