Leaving EU ‘a stride into the light’, claims Lord of All That is Dark and Woeful

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Iain Duncan Smith has been talking about hope and optimism as if he’s ever administered either.

The work and pensions secretary found time in his busy schedule of whipping the tar out of dying benefit claimants to tell everyone how great life would be if the Conservative government was free from the constraints of Europe.

“Iain firmly believes we are stronger on our own,” said DWP spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“There is just too much red tape to get around these days; we actually have to give disabled people an interview before telling them to get stuffed and die; which, to their credit, a lot of them then do.

“Freedom from EU regulations will open up a world of smiles for all of us; and by ‘all’ I mean ‘none’ and by ‘us’ I mean ‘you’.

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“Of course some of you may choose to vote against us, but it’s really important for you to consider that that means you are on the electoral roll, which means we know where each and every one of you live.”