Republican debate ‘most homoerotic ever’

author avatar by 7 years ago

Thursday night’s Republican debate took a steamy turn as the homoerotic tension between the three leading candidates came bubbling to the fore.

“The sexual tension in the room was palpable,” said US political expert Simon Williams.

“I’ve never seen three men more powerfully attracted to each other as Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Donald Trump.”

To start with the debate was run-of-the-mill at best, a little dull at worst, but things started to get sexy during a question on Israel when Donald Trump accused the other two of being ‘all talk and no action.’

There followed a pause pregnant with possibility. A bead of sweat formed on Mr Rubio’s top lip and he swallowed hard.

Ted Cruz became visibly tumescent.

“Man, I’ve never seen a guy go from six to midnight as quickly as Cruz in that moment,” said Mr Williams

“And I spent a lot of time working with Bill Clinton.”

Things threatened to get physical when Trump accused Rubio of being a ‘choke artist’, Republican slang for a sadomasochistic sex act.

“Yeah, I thought we were going to cut to commercials at that point,” admitted Mr Williams.

However, despite the eroticism of the moment, the debate concluded with no physical impropriety taking place on screen.

Remaining debates will take place later in the evening with a warning for potential ‘hot man sex’.