Civil unrest feared as biscuit shortage strikes Britain

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The government is reported to be considering deploying the army to prevent riots and looting after a shortage of biscuits was reported today.

Britain’s biggest biscuit factory was severely damaged during recent storms and has not yet restarted production, resulting in supplies of Ginger Nuts running low across the country.

Thus far disturbances have been limited to isolated knife-fights over the last packed of Bourbon Creams, but sources warn this could escalate fast if the Custard Creams run out.

Britain has a history of being stoical in the face of adversity, having endured the Blitz, terrorist attacks and a 12th series of X-Factor, but experts are warning society may break down without something to dip in a cup of tea.

Calling upon the Bulldog spirit shown during the war when people grew their own vegetables, the government has suggested people to make their own biscuits to get through the crisis – a request which has led to a scornful laugh from the mid-morning snack-starved nation.

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“Then they had the nerve to suggest there’s loads of Oreo Cookies in the shops,” said biscuit enthusiast Simon Williams.

“They can fuck right off with that idea.

“Oreos? I’m British. Give me HobNobs or give me death.”