Facebook has somehow forgotten to add a ‘nobody gives a shit’ button to the new selection of reactions introduced yesterday.
The button would have found extensive use on inspirational pictures, political memes, and photos of your cat.
Amongst other buttons, Facebook neglected to add options for ‘If you don’t stop posting this crap I will hunt you down’ and ‘I am stalking you’, both of which would help users more accurately reflect their Facebook experience.
Facebook acknowledged that everyone has days when they just want to scroll down their friends list going “Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit”, but they had been persuaded not to at the last-minute after getting begging letters from a popular but unnamed satirical website that feared the consequences.
“Obviously we want our users to get the best functionality possible from Facebook, but we decided not to extend that to allowing you to easily express your opinion of motivational quotes.
“Because…because…okay, I’ll be straight. If we allowed you lot to be honest about how you really feel towards each other we’d lose half of you overnight.”