Boris Johnson wakes from 4-day bender hoping he didn’t do anything stupid.

author avatar by 8 years ago

Boris Johnson has woken from a four-day bender this morning and expressed a hope he didn’t say anything he might regret whilst hammered.

The Mayor of London staggered groggily from his bed, knocking over a small pile of traffic cones and vaguely wondering where the policewoman’s cap came from, before going to get himself a pint of water.

Johnson went out on the lash on Saturday night to celebrate the tremendous deal ‘his mate Dave’ did in Europe, and things have been a bit foggy ever since.

He reports the last thing he really remembers is being refused access to a flight to Glasgow for being too drunk, and suggested that if you’re too drunk to get into Glasgow then it’s probably a pretty good night.

“Crumbs, my head,” he is reported to have said.

“Never again. I swear to God, never again.”

“Where did that sheep come from?” he wondered. “It’s Thursday, you say?”

“I didn’t say anything that might get me into trouble, did I? It’s all a bit of a blur. Nothing like that time about Liverpool?”

At time of writing Boris has just being handed a copy of the Evening Standard by his wife and is reported to have said “Oh, cripes.”