The Prime Minister is to follow-up on his derogatory comments about Jeremy Corbyn’s appearance by pushing for the House of Commons to introduce a formal dress code.
“It’s a ruddy disgrace,” said the prime minister, as his butler attended to him.
“Decent chaps like myself, George and Theresa pop into the old Commons once in a while and find ourselves greeted with the shocking shower across the chamber.
“That Corbyn oik dresses like a half-blind Bolshevik who’s let himself go, it’s disgusting.
“Nanny would never allow it.”
But it wasn’t just the Labour leader who had earned the prime minister’s ire.
“The rest of that bally shambles are as bad, I don’t think I saw a decent Saville Row suit amongst them, they all looked like were off-the-peg,” he added, wrinkling his nose in disgust.
“Honestly, if I wanted to deal with the sort of people who buy their clothes from a supermarket then I wouldn’t have joined the Tory party.”
Cameron will push for a return to the Victorian tradition of full-length morning suits with top hats and monocles.
There will also be a further provision that anyone entering the House wearing any kind of corduroy to be summarily executed for being a communist.