Scientists have revealed that new research has shown a direct link between a man having fascist tendencies and him suffering from a tiny penis.
With the release of Hitler’s medical records, experts now have conclusive proof that espousing extreme right-wing opinions can be the direct result of genital deformation.
Researcher Simon Williams explained, “So far, 100% of the fascist penises in the study have been abnormally small, which by itself is merely indicative of a trend, rather than concrete proof of a correlation.
“But every right-wing nutjob we’ve approached has been less than keen for us to take a look inside their pants, which is more proof if it were needed, that all fascists have tiny penises.
“We should have sympathy for people leading organisations like Britain First, the EDL and UKIP – yes, their opinions are generally pretty abhorrent, but they’re also fighting the stigma that micropenis makes you ‘less of a man’ in today’s society.
“It’s also true that smoking and drinking only exacerbate the micropenis issue, so if you find someone who sounds a bit fascist-y with their public statements, and is also a big drinker and smoker, the chances are it’s like a budgie’s tongue down there.”
We asked UKIP’s Paul Nuttall for comment, and perhaps a look at his penis, before he told us, “No, you can’t see it.
“And you can shut up with your micro-penis theories, I’m not one to brad, but I’ll have you know it’s like a baby’s arm.
“A white, British born, indigenous baby, obviously.”