Prime Minister David Cameron is being attacked by cabinet colleagues today after failing to bring them back any duty free from Brussels.
Cameron has spent most of the week in Belgium and was allowed to bring back up to 110 litres of beer, 90 litres of wine and 800 cigarettes tax free.
However he failed to do so, exposing fractures in cabinet unity and leading to talk of a leadership challenge.
“David Cameron could have brought back up to ten bally litres of spirits, by cripes”, said an unnamed senior Conservative.
“And by jingo his failure to do so just proves its gosh-darn time for him to step aside and make room for a dashing, go-getting and frankly more handsome candidate.
“Who isn’t George Osborne, you understand.”
Cameron has rejected the criticism, insisting that although he hadn’t brought back and booze or fags from Brussels, he did bring back plenty of fudge.