Common beliefs about the people of Cambridgeshire will have to change after scientists found definitive proof of locals using the wheel.
The wheel was found by the side of the road, where it is believed to have been lost by locals a participating in the regional sport of driving into ditches whilst drunk.
Archaeologists had been investigating legends of civilisation in the fens, and were astonished to discover the people living there have advanced as far as fire.
Although locals lack modern amenities such as electric lighting, they make up for it by losing their sight to scrumpy at an early age anyway.
“It was purest chance we stumbled across a bronze-age settlement known as ‘Wisbech’,” a spokesman told us.
“Where we were amazed by the sophisticated culture and society built up by the locals which involved fire use, the wheel, and surprisingly little incest considering what their neighbours say.
“We were expecting something like The Night of the Living dead but with fewer teeth.
“The next thing we’re looking into is rumours of some sort of dark cult focused upon a local deity known as ‘Dennis of Grunty Fen’.
“If you never hear from us again, you’ll know what happened.”