Donald Trump unmasked as Old Mr Willikins the fairground owner

author avatar by 8 years ago

Donald Trump has been unmasked as Old Man Willikins the fairground owner trying to scare people away from the United States, we can reveal.

Investigators Mystery Incorporated have claimed this morning that by dressing as a spooky orange-faced goblin, Willikins had been scaring the rest of the world away from the USA so he could cash in.

Willikin’s network of fairgrounds and golfcourses have been in trouble for a while, and he hit on the plan to frighten outsiders away from the US so he could use the country’s substantial wealth to prop up his enterprises.

He was finally trapped by the gang of kids after pursuing a cowardly Great Dane into a trap in the mistaken belief they were Rubio voters.

“Our suspicions were first aroused when we noticed that although Trump was supposed to have supernatural powers he couldn’t walk on water like all his supporters insisted,” said lead investigator Velma Dinkley.

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“Then we noticed the obviously fake hair and orange, rubbery mask he was wearing and realised that clearly he couldn’t possibly be a real ogre.

“After that it was just a matter of following the trail – threats to shoot and bomb people, inferring incest with his daughter, economic policies discredited in the last century…it could only add up to one thing.”

With that she whipped off the unconvincing rubber mask to reveal an angry fairground owner beneath, who promptly insisted he would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for those meddling kids.

Trump supporters have denied the accusations and insisted that ‘four teenagers and a dog’ will actually be the attendees of Jeb Bush’s Nevada primary.