Dan Walker’s Christianity ‘a balance’ for Charlie Stayt’s satanism, insists BBC

author avatar by 7 years ago

The BBC has commented on the increasing furore surrounding the replacement of Bill Turnbull on BBC Breakfast with committed Christian Dan Walker.

“At BBC breakfast we have been concerned that Charlie Stayt’s Satanism has been dominating the show and so we believe that having a committed Christian in the form of Dan Walker should redress the balance,” said the statement released by the BBC yesterday.

“To be frank, it was becoming a little dark,” said a BBC breakfast insider.

“Every morning, you’d get in a find a sacrificed goat, or a bloodied pentagram on the walls. The whole place stank of sulphur.

“I mean, at 3:30 in the morning, all you want is a decent cappuccino and a bacon sandwich, you really don’t need Charlie Stayt invoking the horned one and all his little pixies.”

There had been concerns that despite being a grown man and professional media personality, Dan Walker would soil himself if he met a gay man, call for the stoning of colleagues who work on Sunday, and would attempt to burn David Attenborough as a witch rather than just reconcile his beliefs with modern life-like most Christians.

“I don’t know about that,” said the insider.

“But if Dan’s Christianity means we’ll see a few more home-made lemon drizzle cakes, and a few less gourds of pig’s blood around the place, then I’m good.”