Monday 15 February 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Smug unquestioning couple had pleasant Valentine’s day

Valentine's couple

Reports are emerging of a young couple in Sussex having a pleasant Valentine’s day.

Simon Williams and girlfriend Eleanor Gay have claimed that they spent the entire day together without bickering, sniping, recriminations, or any hint of a traditional full-blown, thermonuclear Valentine’s argument.

“Well, I think the key is communication, you know? Talking to each other,” said Miss Gay.

“Like, I said to Si that I wanted to be romantically surprised with a dozen roses and a big card that plays Take That’s Greatest Day song when you open it – I showed him it in Clinton’s last week.”

Mr Williams agreed.

“Yeah, and I said I wanted a blowie.”

They then shared a romantic meal in the evening at the local Harvester restaurant.

Gay went on, “Yeah, it was really nice because, like, they did a special romantic Valentine brownie fudge sundae which was like their normal brownie fudge sundae but with a small personalised laminated valentine’s card, like, on it.

“Mine said Happy Valentine’s day, which was lovely.”

Mr Williams also enjoyed the meal

“Yeah, I got me blowie in the car-park. Top.”

As a country, the UK spends over sixty-four million pounds on crappy Valentine’s cards of Teddy Bear’s holding up signs saying ‘I wuv woo,’ and cheap roses that won’t last the day.

It is thought that the only people more miserable than the couples taking part in the whole sorry enterprise are the single people who miss out on it.

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