An office worker has demanded to either be removed from an email chain or to be allowed to bring a gun to work.
Simon Williams, 33, made it clear six weeks ago that he has absolutely no interest in playing in the office five-a-side football team.
“And yet the emails keep coming,” sobbed Williams.
“I don’t play football. I try to avoid physical exertion of any kind; I think of it as a backward step in our evolution.
“I’d have thought a polite ‘no thank you’ would have been enough to let them know that I’d rather not join them in pretending to be children for two hours of my free time.
“But no. I still get told of every defeat, every goal, every subsequent trip to the pub and a blow-by-blow account of why Barry in accounts really isn’t pulling his weight.
“Each update is like a nail in my soul.
“So either they stop it, or I’m going to have to initiate ‘Operation HR Nightmare’, which will be a lot more messy.”