Bernie Sanders has promised everyone some top-notch fried chicken if he’s elected President.
The Democratic candidate made the announcement just before his historic win in New Hampshire, which experts believe may have swung him the vote.
“The one thing every American wants is the delicious taste of KFC without leaving their home,” confirmed Democrat party spokesperson, Chuck Williams.
“When Bernie realised that, he looked at himself hard in the mirror, whispered ‘forgive me, Colonel’ and marched out to the podium.
“It was quite inspiring; probably akin to watching JFK warm up for one of his speeches, I’d imagine.
“Granted, it’s a fairly shallow route to the White House, but still admirable when compared to literally anything Donald Trump has ever said.”
Bernie Sanders has since been shunned by his family, who have accused him on bringing shame on the memory of Colonel Sanders in a way that mass-produced mutant chickens never could.