Jeremy Hunt’s secret plans for 8 day a week NHS

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A leaked secret memo written by Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt reveals that his plans for a 7 day a week NHS are just the beginning, with further plans for junior doctors to work 8, 9, even 10 days a week.

“By 2018, a new day should be introduced into the week for junior doctors only,” begins the memo to Mr Hunt’s private secretary.

“Call it Huntday, junior doctors will get paid no more for working on Huntday, if anything they should probably get paid less.

“Bloody doctors, giving it all that just because they stop people dying. I will crush them.

“We should probably be prepared for some push back from the thermometer-jockeys about having to work 8 out of 7 days a week which we’ll have to manage carefully as we’ll be looking to introduce Jereday by the election in 2020, then a tenth day after that.”

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The memo then continues with some more personal details.

“Don’t forget to get my haemorrhoid cream, pick up some clean pants from Mummy – and make sure the old bag ironed them properly this time, and get IT to have a look at those penis enlargement emails that I keep getting sent because I DEFINITELY didn’t sign up to receive them.”

A junior doctor was bemused by the plans.

“I don’t already work eight days a week? Bloody feels like it.”