Two utterly tedious groups of bellends are seeking the touch of a woman for their next project.
“Evacuators 2K16” hit the headlines last week after phoning in multiple bomb threats to different schools across the country, whereas “Lizard Squad” are known for taking down the Playstation Network for no other reason than to suck some of the joy from your life.
“But we’ve never kissed a lady,” sighed Simon Williams, the self-appointed ‘Squad-Leader’ of Evacuators 2K16.
“We’re hoping that by using our combined efforts and an awful lot of Lynx Africa, we can corner one of them into making eye contact with us and then maybe giving us a quick kiss just so that we will leave her alone.
“That’s the best hope for most of us really, our social skills are roughly on par with a masturbating chimp with learning difficulties.
“It had better happen soon, otherwise we’ll have to take out our sexual frustration by playing another brilliant prank on all of you. We might knock on your doors and then run away, for example.
“Or we might take down the entire banking infrastructure. We haven’t decided yet. Depends how bad my acne is that day.”