Cameron ‘scaremongering’ over Europe, insists paper that scaremongers over Europe

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David Cameron is whipping up fears over the EU, according to the people who routinely do that sort of thing.

The Prime Minister is responsible for a climate of fear over the Calais migrant camp, which the Daily Mail used to insist was full of rapey Muslims.

The Mail rubbished Cameron’s claims that leaving the EU could result in 50,000 Syrian serial offenders swamping places like Kent with their twisted values and ill thought-out camping arrangements.

And the popular shit-rag now insists the migrants are happy where they are, arguing with rats over scraps of faeces in a forgotten French shithole.

Contrary to scientific evidence of dysentery and typhus, The Mail says the migrant camp conditions are no worse than Glastonbury 2005, the year Coldplay headlined.

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Despite running over six hundred frontpage headlines prompting fears over migrants entering the UK, the “newspaper” believes they have now changed their minds about Britain due to superior French cuisine.

Mail journalists have also backed down on claims that all of the Calais migrants are rapists, insisting that they merely misread the signals.

Calais migrant camp dweller, Ali Ahmed, said “The Daily Mail is absolutely correct. Britain is a small island, which I’ve recently noticed is full.

“So, no – I’ll stay here thanks.”

Daily Mail space-filler, Richard Littlejohn, responded, “Clearly, the best way to protect our borders is by telling the Frogs, Krauts and Spics who police those borders to fuck off.”