Daily Mail uncovers shocking link between visiting Moon and dying

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The Daily Mail has today unveiled a shocking report that links visiting the Moon to dying.

With former astronaut Edgar Mitchell dying just 45 years after walking on the Moon’s surface, the Daily Mail has revealed the death of several others who have visited the “death-trap” Moon.

The Mail explained, “Edgar Mitchell joins Neil Armstrong, Pete Conrad, Alan Shepard and James Irwin as victims of the Moon and it’s strange deadly effect.

“We have looked at one thing and then at another unrelated thing and decided there is definitely a 100% rock-solid link between the two – and so you should be scared of the moon.

“Would you try something that has killed five of the twelve people who have tried it? Of course you wouldn’t, that would be insanity.

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“So we strongly recommend shielding your eyes from the Moon, as we simply can’t rule out death being caused by simply glancing at it on a clear night.”

The report has led for calls to ban Button Moon repeats from children’s television, and for children of all ages to stare only at the ground after dusk.

Mother of three Sharon Williams explained, “It might seem like we’re overreacting, but if it’s in the newspaper it must be true.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)