UKIP calls for crackdown on immigrant sperm whales

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UKIP leader Nigel Farage has called on the Government to do more about sperm whales attempting to illegally enter the UK via rural beaches.

“Only this morning, another sperm whale has been found on a beach in Norfolk,” said Mr Farage, whilst drinking a pint.

“My fear is that we only hear about the sperm whales who end up stranded on the beaches, there could be hundreds perhaps thousands of sperm whales who make it past the beaches and enter the job market illegally.

“And thanks to the EU, we can’t stop whales arriving on our beaches in their droves.

“Some of them are sick, and just turn up here hoping to get better, putting a huge strain on our resources. They should be made to go elsewhere to die.”

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However, Mr Farage did claim sympathy for the recent instances of sperm whales who became beached in the UK and died.

“The sight of the dead sperm whales is a tragedy,” he said

“I think the best, and most humane way to prevent further such tragedy is to stop all large sea-based mammals from entering the UK, and thus remove the incentive for others thinking of making the perilous journey.”

Mr Farage’s comments seem to have chimed with the public.

“I’m not racialist against them sperm whales and that,” said knuckle-dragging evolutionary throw-back and UKIP supporter Simon Williams

“But I don’t think we should be letting them into the country at all, I mean, who wants a load of sperm whales living in your street claiming benefits and that.

“We should just send them back.”