You should think for yourself and agree with me, insists conspiracy theorist without slightest trace of irony

author avatar by 8 years ago

An Internet conspiracy theorist has insisted people should think for themselves and agree with him without the slightest trace of irony this morning.

Angry commenter Simon Williams, who is convinced the government is drugging people through aircraft exhausts, told the comments thread they shouldn’t believe reports in the media, but instead the action of an intelligent person is to adopt a belief system based on amateurish and unattributed videos on YouTube.

Videos where the narrator uses a voice distorter to hide their identity from the forces of the New World Order are extra reliable, he added.

Williams went on to use the caps lock button to explain why it is IMPOSSIBLE FOR AN INTELLIGENT PERSON TO HOLD A DIFFERENT OPINION TO HIS.

“If you look at the evidence then mine is the only opinion possible,” explained Williams whilst ignoring mathematical evidence that conspiracies are inherently unstable.

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“And yes, I do think mathematicians are in on the scam,” he added in direct reference to the above comment.

“Wake up sheeple!” He added, in the apparent belief that insulting your audience is sure to win them round.

At time of writing Williams has never had a girlfriend, but insists this is simply more evidence that all the women he meets are agents in the employ of Majestic 12.

“If women weren’t brainwashed dupes of the Illuminati they’d all totally fancy me,” he said.

“But they just get really hostile and defensive when I shout that at them, which is just more proof I’m right when you think about it.”