John Terry to spend remainder of career playing away from home

author avatar by 8 years ago

John Terry has announced that he will spend the remainder of his career playing entirely away from home.

The Chelsea captain confirmed his intention to extend his playing days with a move abroad after releasing a statement that Chelsea would not be renewing his contract beyond the end of this season.

“Whilst I am proud of my footballing polygamy, infidelity has played a fundamental role in defining my off-pitch responsibilities as club ambassador,” Terry told reporters outside the club’s Cobham training ground.

“I firmly believe the majority of my best performances down the years have been played out in the confines of the bedrooms of absent team-mates.

“As difficult as it is to accept those days are being brought to an end at Chelsea as prematurely as some of my colleague’s relationships, I have to move on.

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“What better way to embody the last 15 years playing-away from home than playing-away from home on a full-time contract?”

The former England captain went on to outline his preferred destinations.

“Any county which is under Shariah law has a great deal of appeal.”

“The chance to take multiple team-mates wives without the unwarranted publicity is a match made in heaven.”

Former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho was quick to pay tribute to his former player’s loyalty, insisting his status as club legend was secure.

“John had an ability to make club staff feel like players – even the club mascot.

“Shagging his wife practically made him feel like a squad member.