by 
Refitting the engines in the Type 45 destroyer fleet will be pricey but they can get a discount for cash, the Royal Navy has been told.
The Fleet has been suffering engine troubles, leading to the Navy putting a refit out to tender to the lowest bidder.
Engineers spent the morning tapping the engines with a pencil before sucking air through their teeth and observing that “it’s definitely going to cost you, squire”.
“There was this weird ticking noise from the engines and when we took the destroyer into the shop to get her looked at the bloke said we’d need a complete overhaul,” Rear Admiral Simon Williams told us.
“When he found out the head of the Navy was a woman, he said we’d needs full oil change as well and added 10% to the price.
“Somehow I don’t think Her Majesty is going to be impressed when she finds out.”
The Navy is now considering a proposal to get an Aircraft Carrier into service by writing off the existing two and welding them together.
