This Dry January crap has gone on quite long enough, Britain has decided this morning.
Faced with the prospect of yet another weekend without a drink, the nation has stared the grim visage of sobriety in the face and decided that, given the alternative, it can go hang.
The annual challenge to give up drinking for a month is all well and good and health benefits and yadda yadda yadda whatever, but frankly 5:30pm this evening is as good a time as any to knock it on the head.
Let’s face it, it’s so close to February we’re as good as there anyway.
Drinker Simon Williams told us “Look, I’ve done really well. I’ve got up in the morning, gone to work, paid bills, maintained a stable relationship with another human being, all that grown-up stuff.
“And all that without a single drop of alcohol. Quite frankly I think I deserve a drink to congratulate myself on managing it.
“Like, right now.”
Alcohol Concern, the charity which organises Dry January, reminded everyone there are still several days left in the month, but were angrily told they’ve had their fun and to sod off until at least November.