Tennis corruption investigation to focus on price of strawberries and cream

author avatar by 8 years ago

The Lawn Tennis Association has announced an investigation into the price of Strawberries and Cream this morning.

The association is responding to reports of ‘considerable sums’ changing hands for a bowl at Wimbledon, with cash payments hiding the scale of the trade.

Getting into the fruit trade at Wimbledon is well known as a plum job.

“A black market in under the table strawberries being paid for with brown envelopes stuffed with cash has been going on in the upper echelons of Tennis for years and everyone just turns a blind eye because it goes right to the top,” we were told.

“A top-ten seed can make more money selling a bowl of strawberries and a tub of Elmlea than they ever could by winning matches.

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“The only time you’ll ever see Andy Murray smile is when he offloads a punnet on a bunch of desperate Japanese tourists.”

Once ‘Strawberrygate’ is concluded the LTA has promised to look into allegations that Tim Henman was paid to lose matches, but admit it will be very difficult to tell.