Old Trafford replaces Butlins as nation’s favourite away day destination

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The home of Manchester United, Old Trafford, has replaced Butlins as the nation’s favourite away-day destination, according to travel website TripAdvisor.

Following a run of displays which have carried about as much attacking threat as a North Korean missile test, a visit to the Red Devil’s home patch has become the footballing equivalent of a call to the Samaritans.

A spokesman for TripAdvisor, Simon Williams, said the change represented little more than a reshuffle.

“Old Trafford taking top spot from Butlins is not as surprising as one might think,” he told us.

“We’re just swapping one brand famous for charging its customers £10 for a sandwich and subjecting them to an afternoon watching a team in red deliver a string of abysmal performances loosely masquerading as entertainment, for another.”

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“But let’s be clear – the Butlins Redcoats are only ever a David Moyes or a Louis Van Gaal away from reclaiming top spot.”

Van Gaal himself questioned the revised standings, stating he would still rather watch the Butlins’ Redcoats than his expensively assembled side.

“Believe me, I’ve spent a lot of time pitchside watching the likes of Fellaini and Carrick in action.

“Frankly, I’d rather travel to Bognor Regis on a penny farthing than take my seat at Old Trafford.”

A press officer for Butlins Skyline Ltd expressed fury at losing the top spot.

“There is only one UK destination where you can sit back and watch your kin run riot completely untroubled for an astronomical entrance fee.

“Ok – there’s two.”