‘If you love something, set it free’ does not apply to doomsday viruses, mad scientists told

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Mad scientists have been told that “If you love something set it free” does not apply to doomsday viruses.

Despite devoting their lives to the care and nurturing of terrifying diseases that can wipe out all of humanity unless they receive one hundred billion dollars, Mad Scientists have been told that twee, helpful and inspiring quotes don’t count in their particular case.

The inspiring story about there only being one pair of footprints because they were being carried by God has been singled out for particular criticism by deranged inventors, as in most cases there’s only one pair of footsteps it’s because they’re being carried by Destructo, Terror-Robot from the Stars on a rampage.

“How can I dance like nobody is watching?” asked Professor Vilestorm from his volcano base.

“I’ve got the United Nations Security Council cowering in terror at the other end of my Skype connection. I want them to watch me caper in hateful, perverted glee as all my diabolical plans come to pass.

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“And as for ‘Love like you’ve never been hurt’, well, they should have thought of that before they threw my innocent young heart in my face at the senior prom with their cold, heartless anger.

“Well who’s laughing now, eh, Debby? Eh?”

Professor Vilestorm did point out that he has a poster reading “Some days you’ve got to make your own sunshine”, and he plans to do exactly that just as soon as he’s finished building his Thorium Bomb.