Public saw Miliband as more ‘an incompetent IT support guy’ than PM

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An internal Labour report into the results of last year’s General Election has revealed that public perception of Ed Miliband was at the heart of the loss.

“Despite a strong campaign performance,” said Dame Margaret Beckett, the author of the report

“People just didn’t see Ed as Prime Ministerial.

“In fact they saw him, and I have many examples here, as ‘a bumbling computer support guy,’ or ‘the sort of schoolboy who soils himself in PE,’ or ‘a big silly soft toy that you’d give to a baby to play with,’ ‘a nice mole,’ or ‘Timothy Lumsden from Sorry,’ or ‘the Mr Muscle man’.”

However, the report doesn’t lay the blame entirely at perception of Mr Miliband.

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“There were other factors,” continued Dame Margaret.

“It seems the public were never convinced by our ability to manage the economy or, in fact, do basic mathematics to a primary school level.

“Also, people would have preferred to see a tougher stance from Labour regarding immigration such as, and I’m quoting from people’s responses here, ‘kicking them in the balls,’ and ‘sending them all to the Moon’.”

Despite the damning nature of the report, Dame Margaret remained upbeat about Labour’s future.

“I think that there’s plenty here to build on, and as long as we make sure we have a strong, credible leadership then- oh. Shit.”