Train company blames delays on wrong type of burning plasma ball at centre of solar system

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Southeastern Trains have blamed delays to their service on the wrong type spherical ball of hot plasma at the centre of the solar system.

Officials claimed the particular makeup of this burning ball of hydrogen and helium made it difficult for drivers to see, and so some services were delayed in the hope of a different ball of plasma coming along instead.

A spokesperson explained, “We apologise for any inconvenience the delays might have caused, but due to the unforeseen incandescence of that strange light in the sky, our drivers were unable to see where they were going.”

“Science tells us that there is no way to predict when or where this giant ball of light will appear in the sky, so we just have to react as we see fit whenever we see it.”

“It just so happened it was right in the driver’s eyes on Monday, so there was nothing we could do.”

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“Our researchers tell us that if the giant plasma ball was something called Orange Dwarf, then the light would be dimmer and we would be able to see – so fingers crossed that’s what we get next week.”

Commuter Simon Williams told us, “It’s good that they’re being a bit more creative with their excuses, as I was tired of hearing about the ‘wrong type of leaves on the track’s, but how about they invest in some bloody sun glasses?”